I need to get a bunch of stuff done today. I started with washing the sheets off my bed. Problem is, once they are done and back on the bed I will want to climb in and enjoy them!!!
Duty calls, more later. :)
Where the rubber meets the road, the daily hits the grind, and the you-know-what sometimes hits the fan... and we still manage to live and learn together as a FAMILY!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Liars, tall tales and b.s., oh my!
Okay. This is a venting post. Consider that a warning.
That's funny since lately a great number of my posts have been complete vent sessions. This one really is though, so much so that I'm categorizing it as such.
Short and sweet:
If you haven't lied to me lately, THANK YOU. Feel free to stop reading here.
If you have lied to me recently, I KNOW YOU ARE LYING and I pray God goes easy on you.
I don't have time for that kind of ridiculousness and I will not tolerate it. People who lie break trusts, ruin relationships and destroy reputations. Lying just to make yourself look better, especially at someone else's expense, is so incredibly childish and selfish. I am not in junior high and refuse to play that game.
I can't stand liars. I don't want to have conversations with people who can't tell the truth.
I know there's a very remote chance that the people who I'm referring to will actually read this. But just in case they do, please understand that I will no longer let the tall tales go without saying something. And I'm not overly worried about offending you by calling you out, either. You've offended me with your lies.
Life's too short and too precious to spend time weeding out truth from fiction.
That's funny since lately a great number of my posts have been complete vent sessions. This one really is though, so much so that I'm categorizing it as such.
Short and sweet:
If you haven't lied to me lately, THANK YOU. Feel free to stop reading here.
If you have lied to me recently, I KNOW YOU ARE LYING and I pray God goes easy on you.
I don't have time for that kind of ridiculousness and I will not tolerate it. People who lie break trusts, ruin relationships and destroy reputations. Lying just to make yourself look better, especially at someone else's expense, is so incredibly childish and selfish. I am not in junior high and refuse to play that game.
I can't stand liars. I don't want to have conversations with people who can't tell the truth.
I know there's a very remote chance that the people who I'm referring to will actually read this. But just in case they do, please understand that I will no longer let the tall tales go without saying something. And I'm not overly worried about offending you by calling you out, either. You've offended me with your lies.
Life's too short and too precious to spend time weeding out truth from fiction.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Wii, Wii, Wii... all the way home
AJ has been working crazy overtime hours. He's been wanting a Wii for a while now, but we've been restraining ourselves. Saturday we were in the mall and found a used one at the local Game Stop store. So he bought one with his overtime money.
I just rolled my eyes about the whole thing until we had it all hooked up. Then we got into a heated bowling match and I have to admit I'm hooked!
You should have seen us! The kids love it, and even Zoe can play. AJ and I returned to our competitive roots of trying to outdo each other and we were both amazed at how realistic it feels. I think it's pretty cool to be able to play games with the kids and actually be up on our feet moving around. Not exactly training for the 10K, but hey, it's a start!
And for any of you naysayers out there... yes, the games can be a workout. I woke up Sunday morning sore in places I haven't been since we used to bowl in a league! The catch in my left hip and the stiffness in my right knee reminded me why I quit bowling several years ago, too. Guess I'll have to work that out...
I'm planning on tackling tennis next. Pray that I don't kill myself! :)
I just rolled my eyes about the whole thing until we had it all hooked up. Then we got into a heated bowling match and I have to admit I'm hooked!
You should have seen us! The kids love it, and even Zoe can play. AJ and I returned to our competitive roots of trying to outdo each other and we were both amazed at how realistic it feels. I think it's pretty cool to be able to play games with the kids and actually be up on our feet moving around. Not exactly training for the 10K, but hey, it's a start!
And for any of you naysayers out there... yes, the games can be a workout. I woke up Sunday morning sore in places I haven't been since we used to bowl in a league! The catch in my left hip and the stiffness in my right knee reminded me why I quit bowling several years ago, too. Guess I'll have to work that out...
I'm planning on tackling tennis next. Pray that I don't kill myself! :)
Friday, October 3, 2008
Stuck Up?
* So I deleted my political post from last week. I was feeling political then, and I'm not now, so it's gone. I still have some strong opinions about all of that, but I decided I didn't want to air those opinions here.
* Today I'm battling feeling like a stuck up loser among my circle of friends. That doesn't happen to me often, and it's starting to get under my skin. I know I'm not a loser, but several events and conversations this week have left me questioning my value system and whether or not I'm stuck up.
Actually it's not really MY values in question, but how I react to other people's values I guess.
I guess I just don't understand why it's not okay for me to want more out of my life than whatever the status quo happens to be. This week I have heard people criticize the wealthy while complaining about being poor. I've heard some bad mouth others for dressing too nicely. In fact, I had someone tell me that I dress my daughter too cute... that I'm teaching her that what's on the outside is more important than what's on the inside. I've heard the neverending lamenting over the country's economic crisis followed by a narative on how wonderful it is to have food stamps. I've been made to feel guilty about my family's private health insurance offered by my husband's employer (which we pay a hefty sum for), and then listened to stories of those same critics getting their kids' healthcare paid for by the government. I had someone ask me their opinion about living in a certain questionable area of town just to disregard my opinion and tell me someone else told them not to worry... that's what the police are for. ?!
Quite frankly, I've heard enough. And on a slightly political note, no bailout plan will do anything for a society that doesn't see their individual contributions to the problem. Got nailed for that comment this week too.
People who know my background know that I didn't grow up in an affluent home. We had everything we needed, but nothing extravagant. People who know me now know I don't live high on the hog these days either. But there is a definite difference in my way of thinking than most of the people I deal with on a regular basis.
I guess I just maintain a higher level of standards than those in my "circle of friends" these days. I didn't know higher standards categorized me as high maintenance. I guess because I continually look for ways to improve our standard of living, I'm doing my family an injustice. Nevermind the fact that I am a bargain hunter and penny pincher and pay attention to what's going on around me so I don't miss out on good opportunities. It's not material things that are important to me, but I do want the very best for myself and my family that life has to offer. And nevermind the fact that compared to folks on the other side of town, my life would look pretty pitiful and insignificant.
So sue me. You won't get much. But it might be worth it to take me to court just to see if you could take away what I do have so then at least we'd be even.
Does that make me stuck up? Or evil, or un-Christian? I know it doesn't, but geez. Enough's enough!
I don't know. I can't even put all these thoughts down here because that's how jumbled my head is about all of this.
I just know that when the way I live and the values I live by are questioned by my own peers, that's a sad reflection of society. We have what we need and live frugally and sparingly. I'm tolerant of others and compassionate to those less fortunate. I guess I hadn't realized that out of most of the people I deal with nowadays, my family is better off than most of them. And that's sad, because we're not that well off.
But why would anyone choose bashing those with more than they have, or as a group stoop to lowering their own standards and values, over doing something to make their own situation better? That's what we've done. Little by little, step by step, we have forged ahead to make our life better than it was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, even yesterday.
So I guess because I want to continually improve my own situation, that makes me stuck up.
Oh well. That's a new one. Wouldn't those "stuck up" girls from high school, or my friends that live on the "rich" side of town get a laugh out of that???
* Today I'm battling feeling like a stuck up loser among my circle of friends. That doesn't happen to me often, and it's starting to get under my skin. I know I'm not a loser, but several events and conversations this week have left me questioning my value system and whether or not I'm stuck up.
Actually it's not really MY values in question, but how I react to other people's values I guess.
I guess I just don't understand why it's not okay for me to want more out of my life than whatever the status quo happens to be. This week I have heard people criticize the wealthy while complaining about being poor. I've heard some bad mouth others for dressing too nicely. In fact, I had someone tell me that I dress my daughter too cute... that I'm teaching her that what's on the outside is more important than what's on the inside. I've heard the neverending lamenting over the country's economic crisis followed by a narative on how wonderful it is to have food stamps. I've been made to feel guilty about my family's private health insurance offered by my husband's employer (which we pay a hefty sum for), and then listened to stories of those same critics getting their kids' healthcare paid for by the government. I had someone ask me their opinion about living in a certain questionable area of town just to disregard my opinion and tell me someone else told them not to worry... that's what the police are for. ?!
Quite frankly, I've heard enough. And on a slightly political note, no bailout plan will do anything for a society that doesn't see their individual contributions to the problem. Got nailed for that comment this week too.
People who know my background know that I didn't grow up in an affluent home. We had everything we needed, but nothing extravagant. People who know me now know I don't live high on the hog these days either. But there is a definite difference in my way of thinking than most of the people I deal with on a regular basis.
I guess I just maintain a higher level of standards than those in my "circle of friends" these days. I didn't know higher standards categorized me as high maintenance. I guess because I continually look for ways to improve our standard of living, I'm doing my family an injustice. Nevermind the fact that I am a bargain hunter and penny pincher and pay attention to what's going on around me so I don't miss out on good opportunities. It's not material things that are important to me, but I do want the very best for myself and my family that life has to offer. And nevermind the fact that compared to folks on the other side of town, my life would look pretty pitiful and insignificant.
So sue me. You won't get much. But it might be worth it to take me to court just to see if you could take away what I do have so then at least we'd be even.
Does that make me stuck up? Or evil, or un-Christian? I know it doesn't, but geez. Enough's enough!
I don't know. I can't even put all these thoughts down here because that's how jumbled my head is about all of this.
I just know that when the way I live and the values I live by are questioned by my own peers, that's a sad reflection of society. We have what we need and live frugally and sparingly. I'm tolerant of others and compassionate to those less fortunate. I guess I hadn't realized that out of most of the people I deal with nowadays, my family is better off than most of them. And that's sad, because we're not that well off.
But why would anyone choose bashing those with more than they have, or as a group stoop to lowering their own standards and values, over doing something to make their own situation better? That's what we've done. Little by little, step by step, we have forged ahead to make our life better than it was 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 1 year ago, even yesterday.
So I guess because I want to continually improve my own situation, that makes me stuck up.
Oh well. That's a new one. Wouldn't those "stuck up" girls from high school, or my friends that live on the "rich" side of town get a laugh out of that???
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sick
Well, so much for the allergy theory. Zack has strep throat.
He's home till Wednesday and not excited that he's blowing his perfect attendance at school. He made it all year last year without missing a day, and at the end of the year, those with perfect attendance had a party. He's bummed at the thought of missing out. Poor kid. He worries about the sweetest things.
I just hope his meds work soon and he feels much better in the next day or two. I love having him home with me, but I truly hate that he feels bad.
Zoe is being very sweet too. She's carefully heeding the doctor's advice to stay away from her sick brother, but has managed to work out a system where she can "help" with whatever he needs... or continue to annoy him from afar! :)
Lovely kids. I love 'em. In sickness and in health... :)
He's home till Wednesday and not excited that he's blowing his perfect attendance at school. He made it all year last year without missing a day, and at the end of the year, those with perfect attendance had a party. He's bummed at the thought of missing out. Poor kid. He worries about the sweetest things.
I just hope his meds work soon and he feels much better in the next day or two. I love having him home with me, but I truly hate that he feels bad.
Zoe is being very sweet too. She's carefully heeding the doctor's advice to stay away from her sick brother, but has managed to work out a system where she can "help" with whatever he needs... or continue to annoy him from afar! :)
Lovely kids. I love 'em. In sickness and in health... :)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Just stuff...
* Yesterday we looked at cars again. We've narrowed it down to a couple of options, now we're just waiting to see what God really wants us to do.
Our poor old car is still putting forth a valiant effort, but we're not naive enough to think it will last forever. In the past few months we've put a new belt on it (the kind that wraps around and runs everything... I don't know what it's called), replaced the power steering pump (again), and got new brakes (and rotors) all the way around. So it's still road-worthy and the A/C still works... "and there ain't nothing wrong with the ray-ay-dee-oh!" :)
So maybe it's still not time... but we're trying to gear up for the day that "time" comes.
* Zack's not feeling well. His throat is sore and I think it's mostly allergy drainage... at least that's what I'm hoping. Friday when I picked him up from school he was pretty pitiful, but I couldn't get him in to see the doc that day, so maybe tomorrow. In the meantime I've been giving him OTC meds and he seems to respond best to the allergy meds. So hopefully that's all it is.
AJ stayed home from church with him today. Zack said he wanted to go, but would "rather not get anyone sick." Sweet baby. I hope he feels better soon.
* Church was great again today. God is doing something there... time will tell what that is. But the Spirit is moving and we're experiencing brokenness in a way we haven't in while. Brokenness in a good way, although it's not always pleasant. More on that at a later date...
* The Kidz Choir sang tonight. Zoe was in full swing for once. She sings nonstop at home, but usually gets bashful in front of a crowd. Not tonight. She was all about it. Wish her Daddy could have been there to see her. Next time.
* God has put some things on my heart to pray about. Opportunities keep developing in front of me, but I'm not sure what exactly God wants. All of them are good ideas and great ministry opportunities, but at this point in my life, I'm really struggling with putting too much on my plate. I want to be effective, and I know that doing too much won't get me there. So I'm praying that God will give me clarity this week as I ponder what He wants me to do.
* I'm also praying for two sets of dear friends who are in similar situations... both couples are childless and seeking to adopt/foster children. Both are facing opportunities to do that, but are struggling with God's will and the incidentals of how the whole thing could play out. My prayer is that God will reveal EXACTLY what His will is for them. He is powerful enough to create the universe and everything in it, and He is powerful enough to work out these situations too. Whatever that might mean.
* I can't believe it's almost October. Where has this year gone?
* My head is pounding and judging from the blurriness of this as I'm typing, I think it's time to get my eyes checked. Or go to bed. Since it's not really eye doctors' hours, I think I'll choose the latter and worry about the eye thing tomorrow!
Just call me Scarlett O'Hara...
Our poor old car is still putting forth a valiant effort, but we're not naive enough to think it will last forever. In the past few months we've put a new belt on it (the kind that wraps around and runs everything... I don't know what it's called), replaced the power steering pump (again), and got new brakes (and rotors) all the way around. So it's still road-worthy and the A/C still works... "and there ain't nothing wrong with the ray-ay-dee-oh!" :)
So maybe it's still not time... but we're trying to gear up for the day that "time" comes.
* Zack's not feeling well. His throat is sore and I think it's mostly allergy drainage... at least that's what I'm hoping. Friday when I picked him up from school he was pretty pitiful, but I couldn't get him in to see the doc that day, so maybe tomorrow. In the meantime I've been giving him OTC meds and he seems to respond best to the allergy meds. So hopefully that's all it is.
AJ stayed home from church with him today. Zack said he wanted to go, but would "rather not get anyone sick." Sweet baby. I hope he feels better soon.
* Church was great again today. God is doing something there... time will tell what that is. But the Spirit is moving and we're experiencing brokenness in a way we haven't in while. Brokenness in a good way, although it's not always pleasant. More on that at a later date...
* The Kidz Choir sang tonight. Zoe was in full swing for once. She sings nonstop at home, but usually gets bashful in front of a crowd. Not tonight. She was all about it. Wish her Daddy could have been there to see her. Next time.
* God has put some things on my heart to pray about. Opportunities keep developing in front of me, but I'm not sure what exactly God wants. All of them are good ideas and great ministry opportunities, but at this point in my life, I'm really struggling with putting too much on my plate. I want to be effective, and I know that doing too much won't get me there. So I'm praying that God will give me clarity this week as I ponder what He wants me to do.
* I'm also praying for two sets of dear friends who are in similar situations... both couples are childless and seeking to adopt/foster children. Both are facing opportunities to do that, but are struggling with God's will and the incidentals of how the whole thing could play out. My prayer is that God will reveal EXACTLY what His will is for them. He is powerful enough to create the universe and everything in it, and He is powerful enough to work out these situations too. Whatever that might mean.
* I can't believe it's almost October. Where has this year gone?
* My head is pounding and judging from the blurriness of this as I'm typing, I think it's time to get my eyes checked. Or go to bed. Since it's not really eye doctors' hours, I think I'll choose the latter and worry about the eye thing tomorrow!
Just call me Scarlett O'Hara...
Friday, September 26, 2008
Fireproof
It was great! Go see it! Can't wait till it comes out on video so I can add it to my collection. :)
Promises
I made a promise to AJ over a year ago that I have had a great amount of trouble keeping.
It's not a big thing... just something I told him I'd change, but I've continuously made excuses to myself as to why I can't do it.
AJ hasn't said a word about it, but I still feel guilty for letting him down and not keeping my word. One other person knows about it and has repeatedly called me on it, much to my frustration. It infuriates me, but I know he's right.
So today I am making a vow to renew that promise. Pray that God will give me the strength to stand behind it this time.
On another note, I am totally excited that we are going on a "date" tonight to see Fireproof. We got a babysitter and everything. Woo Hoo! I'll report on the outcome later...
It's not a big thing... just something I told him I'd change, but I've continuously made excuses to myself as to why I can't do it.
AJ hasn't said a word about it, but I still feel guilty for letting him down and not keeping my word. One other person knows about it and has repeatedly called me on it, much to my frustration. It infuriates me, but I know he's right.
So today I am making a vow to renew that promise. Pray that God will give me the strength to stand behind it this time.
On another note, I am totally excited that we are going on a "date" tonight to see Fireproof. We got a babysitter and everything. Woo Hoo! I'll report on the outcome later...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
In too deep?
Okay, I have to get this off my chest.
I love my son. I love my husband. (I love my daughter too, but she's not part of this story...). I love the idea of my son having years of special memories from Cub Scouts. Right? Right.
However, as usual I have found myself roped into saying yes when I should probably say no. But because I want this for Zack, and he wants it too, I am now a Tiger Cub Scout leader.
Go ahead. Picture me putting up a tent in my scout uniform. Laugh. Feel better? I know I do. HA!
The plan was for AJ to be Zack's adult partner in the whole thing, but due to his schedule, it's not gonna happen that way. And due to a shortage in willing (and capable... and what exactly does THAT mean?!) volunteers, I was asked to be a den leader.
So, being the mom who doesn't want to let her son down (Tiger Cubs must have an adult present at every meeting/event), I will be going to scout meetings for the rest of my life.
I know, it's not as bad as it seems. I'm not really upset about it either. Maybe a little apprehensive and nervous... but I think it will be fun. I do know it will require me to let go of some other things, but it's been time for that for a while anyway. Funny how things work out that way, isn't it?
Funny - ha, ha?
Or funny - queer?
Picture me in that uniform with the tent again and you'll have your answer!
So, does anyone want to buy some yummy boy scout popcorn??? :)
I love my son. I love my husband. (I love my daughter too, but she's not part of this story...). I love the idea of my son having years of special memories from Cub Scouts. Right? Right.
However, as usual I have found myself roped into saying yes when I should probably say no. But because I want this for Zack, and he wants it too, I am now a Tiger Cub Scout leader.
Go ahead. Picture me putting up a tent in my scout uniform. Laugh. Feel better? I know I do. HA!
The plan was for AJ to be Zack's adult partner in the whole thing, but due to his schedule, it's not gonna happen that way. And due to a shortage in willing (and capable... and what exactly does THAT mean?!) volunteers, I was asked to be a den leader.
So, being the mom who doesn't want to let her son down (Tiger Cubs must have an adult present at every meeting/event), I will be going to scout meetings for the rest of my life.
I know, it's not as bad as it seems. I'm not really upset about it either. Maybe a little apprehensive and nervous... but I think it will be fun. I do know it will require me to let go of some other things, but it's been time for that for a while anyway. Funny how things work out that way, isn't it?
Funny - ha, ha?
Or funny - queer?
Picture me in that uniform with the tent again and you'll have your answer!
So, does anyone want to buy some yummy boy scout popcorn??? :)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sweet & Sour
Last night we had a really sweet time at church. We finished up a study on the old tesatment tabernacle and finally "entered" the Holy of Holies. It was a beautiful time as we visualized what it must have been like for the priests to have such an awesome assignment from God.
As we talked about the shekinah glory, we had a very intense prayer time and then finished the service with communion. It was very moving and brought some things I've been dealing with this week full circle. How I wish we could experience that "shekinah glory" every service...
I have to admit though, I can't hlep but think about Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark when we talk about all that stuff. :) I know, I know... back to reality.
I really enjoy studying the old testament. I think it gets pushed to the back of the shelf too often. Lots of good stuff in there.
On a completely different note...
This morning when I looked in the bathroom mirror, I raised up one arm and thought, "Holy cow! Who's flabby arm is that???" I mean, the full-fledged, jiggle-when-you-wiggle, hangy-down arm flab. Like many of my lovely, beautiful friends, I'm a big girl, but that was a new discovery for me. I may be big, but I've never been flabby.
I love my friends dearly, but I'm starting to think I've become complacent about how I look and how I take care of myself... based on what everyone else is doing or looks like. It's unintentional, but dangerous. Becoming too comfortable because it's "acceptable" to everyone who "loves" me ("you're beautiful just the way you are...") has taken a toll on this old body of mine. And now I have flab issues. :(
Not a nice picture is it? Tell me about it. Now I'm going to have to do something about it so I don't have to look at it anymore. Guess it's time to break out the Total Gym again or get some weights...
Maybe I'll just take down the mirror.
As we talked about the shekinah glory, we had a very intense prayer time and then finished the service with communion. It was very moving and brought some things I've been dealing with this week full circle. How I wish we could experience that "shekinah glory" every service...
I have to admit though, I can't hlep but think about Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark when we talk about all that stuff. :) I know, I know... back to reality.
I really enjoy studying the old testament. I think it gets pushed to the back of the shelf too often. Lots of good stuff in there.
On a completely different note...
This morning when I looked in the bathroom mirror, I raised up one arm and thought, "Holy cow! Who's flabby arm is that???" I mean, the full-fledged, jiggle-when-you-wiggle, hangy-down arm flab. Like many of my lovely, beautiful friends, I'm a big girl, but that was a new discovery for me. I may be big, but I've never been flabby.
I love my friends dearly, but I'm starting to think I've become complacent about how I look and how I take care of myself... based on what everyone else is doing or looks like. It's unintentional, but dangerous. Becoming too comfortable because it's "acceptable" to everyone who "loves" me ("you're beautiful just the way you are...") has taken a toll on this old body of mine. And now I have flab issues. :(
Not a nice picture is it? Tell me about it. Now I'm going to have to do something about it so I don't have to look at it anymore. Guess it's time to break out the Total Gym again or get some weights...
Maybe I'll just take down the mirror.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Random Late Night, or Early Morning
Depending on your point of view it's either really late, or really early. Either way, I should be in bed.
I finally got my profile updated. Looks much better now.
Things have been crazy around here the past couple of weeks. AJ was in El Paso last week and got home Friday night to find out his dad was in the hospital. Thankfully he's better now and at home, but for a few days it was kinda scary.
We've had a hard time finding enough hours in the day to get done everything we need to. Too many irons in the fire I guess, although not near as many as some people I know. Tonight was the first night this week we've all been home at the same time for more than an hour or so. And that's only because I made the command decision to forego a ladies' leadership class to be with my family. Sometimes ya just gotta, ya know?
Zack started Tiger Cub Scouts! He's so excited... and so cute. Not that I'm biased. Now we're embarking on the famous Boy Scout popcorn sales! Hopefully he will sell enough to pay for his uniform... that stuff's expensive!
Zoe thinks she's a Tiger Cub too. She's been to two meetings with us and drinks it all in, not missing a thing. She's sound asleep right now with the majority of her fancy plastic jewelry on. What a diva!
AJ is still managing to find time to do his online classwork. He's doing well, and if he can keep with it, he will sure appreciate this degree when it's all said and done. I just wish there were more hours in the day... didn't I already mention that once??
I realized tonight that I miss my mommy. I know, that's really random, but you were forewarned by the title! I do miss my mom and wish we were closer. We are closer than some, but it's still too far for drop in visits. That would be nice. My kids really miss her too. I mean REALLY. They ask on a daily basis when we're going to see Nana again. Hopefully soon. Sometimes I worry about her. Just hoping she's okay. Not that she'd ever tell me if she wasn't. It's that stubborn gene that runs in our family... skipped me of course... :)
I heard there's a hospice chaplain job open here... maybe I should send in Daddy's resume. :)
Okay. That's enough. Going to bed now. Goodnight moon.
I finally got my profile updated. Looks much better now.
Things have been crazy around here the past couple of weeks. AJ was in El Paso last week and got home Friday night to find out his dad was in the hospital. Thankfully he's better now and at home, but for a few days it was kinda scary.
We've had a hard time finding enough hours in the day to get done everything we need to. Too many irons in the fire I guess, although not near as many as some people I know. Tonight was the first night this week we've all been home at the same time for more than an hour or so. And that's only because I made the command decision to forego a ladies' leadership class to be with my family. Sometimes ya just gotta, ya know?
Zack started Tiger Cub Scouts! He's so excited... and so cute. Not that I'm biased. Now we're embarking on the famous Boy Scout popcorn sales! Hopefully he will sell enough to pay for his uniform... that stuff's expensive!
Zoe thinks she's a Tiger Cub too. She's been to two meetings with us and drinks it all in, not missing a thing. She's sound asleep right now with the majority of her fancy plastic jewelry on. What a diva!
AJ is still managing to find time to do his online classwork. He's doing well, and if he can keep with it, he will sure appreciate this degree when it's all said and done. I just wish there were more hours in the day... didn't I already mention that once??
I realized tonight that I miss my mommy. I know, that's really random, but you were forewarned by the title! I do miss my mom and wish we were closer. We are closer than some, but it's still too far for drop in visits. That would be nice. My kids really miss her too. I mean REALLY. They ask on a daily basis when we're going to see Nana again. Hopefully soon. Sometimes I worry about her. Just hoping she's okay. Not that she'd ever tell me if she wasn't. It's that stubborn gene that runs in our family... skipped me of course... :)
I heard there's a hospice chaplain job open here... maybe I should send in Daddy's resume. :)
Okay. That's enough. Going to bed now. Goodnight moon.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
What a Difference the Temperature Makes!
Fall is finally in the air! I know we've probably got several more days of heat ahead of us, but there is light at the end of the tunnel! When I stepped outside to take Zack to school this morning... WOW! The cool breeze was so wonderful! It's been a long time since I've had anything positive to say about the weather, so this is a breakthrough for me!
I love fall. Some of my best memories are during the fall months of the year. Every year when it starts getting cooler I think back to my high school band days and smile. I know, I'm a nerd, but I loved those years so much. And every morning I can hear the LakeView HS band practicing several blocks away from my house and it really adds to those memories.
Ahhh... the good ole days when life was simpler. Someone else was worrying about bills and mortgages and kids and jobs and responsibilies... someone else was running the church and we just enjoyed being there... someone else was remembering their own "good ole days."
I love my life. It's simpler than most, for which I am very grateful. I don't worry as much as I used to because I'm learning more every day that leaving things in God's hands is the best way to live. It's harder some days than others, but on days like today, when the air is cool and fresh and the morning starts out beautiful, it's like God giving me a little pep talk.
Now that's an idea! My own little pep rally... no cheerleaders or marching bands needed... just a little taste of fall in the air. Who said life had to be complicated anyway? :)
"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." Jeremiah 31:25
I love fall. Some of my best memories are during the fall months of the year. Every year when it starts getting cooler I think back to my high school band days and smile. I know, I'm a nerd, but I loved those years so much. And every morning I can hear the LakeView HS band practicing several blocks away from my house and it really adds to those memories.
Ahhh... the good ole days when life was simpler. Someone else was worrying about bills and mortgages and kids and jobs and responsibilies... someone else was running the church and we just enjoyed being there... someone else was remembering their own "good ole days."
I love my life. It's simpler than most, for which I am very grateful. I don't worry as much as I used to because I'm learning more every day that leaving things in God's hands is the best way to live. It's harder some days than others, but on days like today, when the air is cool and fresh and the morning starts out beautiful, it's like God giving me a little pep talk.
Now that's an idea! My own little pep rally... no cheerleaders or marching bands needed... just a little taste of fall in the air. Who said life had to be complicated anyway? :)
"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint." Jeremiah 31:25
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Time Marches On...
I can't believe school starts on Monday. I have no words to describe how much I'm not looking forward to that. Every time I think about it, I tear up. I'm a big sap, I know, but I so enjoy having my kids with me! I missed Zack so much last year, and here we go again... we won't even discuss what next year will bring. :(
AJ is back in school too, after many, many years. He's taking online courses and I'm so happy that he's finally getting the chance to finish his degree. However, our schedule is going to be interesting for a while.
I am soooo not a fan of change. Never have been, and no matter how I try to look at change in a positive light, I still find myself bogged down by the whole concept. Okay, let me rephrase that... I don't like change unless it's my idea. How's that for honesty? :)
Anyway, school will be fine for all my students (ha ha) and I will learn to enjoy it as much as I did last year. I have other things I need to work on too, so I will have plenty to keep my mind busy. And if memory serves me, time flies during the school year too. Won't be long before this year is over too... and we'll start over again.
Back in the mid 90's, country musician, Tracy Lawrence, sang a song that puts the whole "time" thing in perspective. The words of the song might not apply specifically to my life, but the overall concept does.
Time Marches On
Sister cries out from her baby bed
brother runs in feathers on his head
Momma's in a room learning how to sew
daddy's drinking beer listneng to the radio
Hank Williams sings Kaw-Liga and Dear John
time marches on time marches on
Sister's using rouge and clear complexion soap
Brother's wearing beads and he smokes a lot of dope
Momma is depressed barly makes a sound
daddy's got a girlfriend in another town
Bob Dylan sings Like a Rolling Stone
time marches on time marches on
The South moves North the North moves South a star is born a star burns out
The only thing that stays the same is everything changes everything changes
Sister calls herself sexy grandma
brother's on a diet for high cholesterol
Momma's out of touch with reality
daddy's in the ground beneath the maple tree
As the angels sing an old Hank Williams song
time marches on time marches on
Time marches on time marches on
time marches on time marches on
So for the time being, I'll be content with the time I have with my kids and remember they are in God's hands every minute of every day. I'll look forward to whatever time He gives me with them and AJ... and just be thankful. :)
AJ is back in school too, after many, many years. He's taking online courses and I'm so happy that he's finally getting the chance to finish his degree. However, our schedule is going to be interesting for a while.
I am soooo not a fan of change. Never have been, and no matter how I try to look at change in a positive light, I still find myself bogged down by the whole concept. Okay, let me rephrase that... I don't like change unless it's my idea. How's that for honesty? :)
Anyway, school will be fine for all my students (ha ha) and I will learn to enjoy it as much as I did last year. I have other things I need to work on too, so I will have plenty to keep my mind busy. And if memory serves me, time flies during the school year too. Won't be long before this year is over too... and we'll start over again.
Back in the mid 90's, country musician, Tracy Lawrence, sang a song that puts the whole "time" thing in perspective. The words of the song might not apply specifically to my life, but the overall concept does.
Time Marches On
Sister cries out from her baby bed
brother runs in feathers on his head
Momma's in a room learning how to sew
daddy's drinking beer listneng to the radio
Hank Williams sings Kaw-Liga and Dear John
time marches on time marches on
Sister's using rouge and clear complexion soap
Brother's wearing beads and he smokes a lot of dope
Momma is depressed barly makes a sound
daddy's got a girlfriend in another town
Bob Dylan sings Like a Rolling Stone
time marches on time marches on
The South moves North the North moves South a star is born a star burns out
The only thing that stays the same is everything changes everything changes
Sister calls herself sexy grandma
brother's on a diet for high cholesterol
Momma's out of touch with reality
daddy's in the ground beneath the maple tree
As the angels sing an old Hank Williams song
time marches on time marches on
Time marches on time marches on
time marches on time marches on
So for the time being, I'll be content with the time I have with my kids and remember they are in God's hands every minute of every day. I'll look forward to whatever time He gives me with them and AJ... and just be thankful. :)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Worn... but Ready for a Change
I'm worn out. I just spent all afternoon it seemed in Walmart. Actually it was only about an hour and a half, but it might as well have been all afternoon.
I spent a small fortune on groceries and necessities. Nothing fun. But at least maybe we will have food and toilet paper for a couple more weeks! :)
I've been toying with the idea of starting my own business (well, sort of) for several months now. No, I'm not getting my real estate license... yet. That will come next year.
Soon I will be a Signature Homestyles Representative. I hope I can pull it off. I'm pretty sure I can, but it's been a while since I've "worked" and I don't know how easily I'll get back in the saddle.
It's not a 9 to 5 job or anything that requires me fill quotas, or to sit in an office or punch a time clock, so it ought to agree with me pretty well. I just hope I can stay focused on my goals and find enough people to promote the products to.
The products pretty much sell themselves, though. I just need to hone my sales skills and get over my fear of speaking in front of people.
Yes, loudmouth goofball that I am, have a fear of being in front of a group. LOL
Anyway, check out the website and look at the goodies... I think it will be a fun adventure. I'm not looking to make a million or anything. I'd just like to make enough to give us some breathing room, or buy school clothes, or maybe pay for an occasional family night at the movies.
http://www.signaturehomestyles.com/
Not that anyone other than T and Mom read this, but if anyone would like more info, let me know. :)
I spent a small fortune on groceries and necessities. Nothing fun. But at least maybe we will have food and toilet paper for a couple more weeks! :)
I've been toying with the idea of starting my own business (well, sort of) for several months now. No, I'm not getting my real estate license... yet. That will come next year.
Soon I will be a Signature Homestyles Representative. I hope I can pull it off. I'm pretty sure I can, but it's been a while since I've "worked" and I don't know how easily I'll get back in the saddle.
It's not a 9 to 5 job or anything that requires me fill quotas, or to sit in an office or punch a time clock, so it ought to agree with me pretty well. I just hope I can stay focused on my goals and find enough people to promote the products to.
The products pretty much sell themselves, though. I just need to hone my sales skills and get over my fear of speaking in front of people.
Yes, loudmouth goofball that I am, have a fear of being in front of a group. LOL
Anyway, check out the website and look at the goodies... I think it will be a fun adventure. I'm not looking to make a million or anything. I'd just like to make enough to give us some breathing room, or buy school clothes, or maybe pay for an occasional family night at the movies.
http://www.signaturehomestyles.com/
Not that anyone other than T and Mom read this, but if anyone would like more info, let me know. :)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Empty Me
I'm a bloggin' fool. Too much in my head is spilling out into multiple blogs. Obviously I have a WHOLE LOT going on right now. But that's okay...
I heard this song on the radio and fell in love. It's so perfect for how I feel right now. And I loved Chris Sligh on American Idol. I'm glad he's singing Christian music. Good for him.
Empty Me
I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so I surrender all.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.
Well said. :)
I heard this song on the radio and fell in love. It's so perfect for how I feel right now. And I loved Chris Sligh on American Idol. I'm glad he's singing Christian music. Good for him.
Empty Me
I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so I surrender all.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.
Well said. :)
Bunco
My friend, Janet, talked me into playing bunco tonight.
I have been dodging bunco for years, but decided to quit being stubborn and go with her.
I'm so glad I did. It was lots of fun and I even won a prize.
Look out world, I'm hooked! :)
I have been dodging bunco for years, but decided to quit being stubborn and go with her.
I'm so glad I did. It was lots of fun and I even won a prize.
Look out world, I'm hooked! :)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Her Children Arise and Call Her Blessed
Proverbs 31 is an amazing exerpt from the Bible... amazing and daunting when you realize the implications of what a Godly woman should be. This morning while I was heating pop tarts in the toaster for my son, a tiny piece of scripture popped into my head and made me take a hard look at myself.
"Her children arise and call her blessed..." from Proverbs 31:28.
Do my children arise and call me blessed? I know my children love me. And they know I love them. I probably tell them at least a dozen or more times a day. But do they really know that? Do they understand what that means? Will there ever be a time when they question that? Do they question that now?
All these questions fired through my head in a nanosecond before the toaster popped up. In that tiny moment I realized God was speaking to me. He was saying, "April, why do you spend so much time worrying about everyone else and their problems and not focusing on the tasks I've given you?"
God gave me two precious children to look after and teach to be Godly adults. They are on loan to me for such a short time, and that is a sobering thought. People tell AJ and myself that we have done well with our kids. I think by God's grace we do better than some, but still not as well as we could. But that realization this morning makes me want to step it up a notch and raise the bar even more.
Does that mean I am going to automatically take them to the park every day or the library? Or go walking by the river or play games every time they ask? Or take them to McDonald's more often even though I hate it? Or read to them as much as I should? Probably not. I can try to do all those things and more, and I want to do that. But realisitically, I will still let them down and disappoint them no matter how hard I try not to.
But I do need to invest more time praying for their salvation and instilling the belief system and values that God wants them to have. They are His precious creation and I need to remember that and cherish every moment He gives me with them. They are only on loan to me and the pop tart years are passing too quickly.
I want them to "arise and call me blessed" throughout their lives... not for my benefit, and not because of what I've done for them or given them, but because of what God has done in them through me.
Thank you, Lord, for your precious gifts to me... Zack and Zoe. Help me be a better steward of your blessings and resources in their lives everyday so that they may grow up to love you beyond measure. Help me be an example of your love and righteousness. Thank you for your gentle reminders not to sit idle, even when it's comfortable.
"Her children arise and call her blessed..." from Proverbs 31:28.
Do my children arise and call me blessed? I know my children love me. And they know I love them. I probably tell them at least a dozen or more times a day. But do they really know that? Do they understand what that means? Will there ever be a time when they question that? Do they question that now?
All these questions fired through my head in a nanosecond before the toaster popped up. In that tiny moment I realized God was speaking to me. He was saying, "April, why do you spend so much time worrying about everyone else and their problems and not focusing on the tasks I've given you?"
God gave me two precious children to look after and teach to be Godly adults. They are on loan to me for such a short time, and that is a sobering thought. People tell AJ and myself that we have done well with our kids. I think by God's grace we do better than some, but still not as well as we could. But that realization this morning makes me want to step it up a notch and raise the bar even more.
Does that mean I am going to automatically take them to the park every day or the library? Or go walking by the river or play games every time they ask? Or take them to McDonald's more often even though I hate it? Or read to them as much as I should? Probably not. I can try to do all those things and more, and I want to do that. But realisitically, I will still let them down and disappoint them no matter how hard I try not to.
But I do need to invest more time praying for their salvation and instilling the belief system and values that God wants them to have. They are His precious creation and I need to remember that and cherish every moment He gives me with them. They are only on loan to me and the pop tart years are passing too quickly.
I want them to "arise and call me blessed" throughout their lives... not for my benefit, and not because of what I've done for them or given them, but because of what God has done in them through me.
Thank you, Lord, for your precious gifts to me... Zack and Zoe. Help me be a better steward of your blessings and resources in their lives everyday so that they may grow up to love you beyond measure. Help me be an example of your love and righteousness. Thank you for your gentle reminders not to sit idle, even when it's comfortable.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Answer Envy
I subscribe to a daily devotional from the Proverbs 31 Website. It's a great place for women to check out... here's today's devotional. I felt compelled to post it because it holds true for me as I'm sure it does for many out there...
Answer Envy
Karen Ehman
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
Devotion:
“How wonderful!!!” I exclaimed! “I am so happy for you!” This was my response to the breaking news that friends of ours from North Carolina had sold their house after it had been on the market for twenty days.
To them it had been a long twenty days. Houses are normally snatched up quickly in their neck of the woods. In our shaky Michigan economy, however, it takes a bit longer. In fact, on the day she announced that her home now sported a sold sign, we turned another page on our calendar marking how long our house had been for sale. Not twenty days, but twenty months to be exact. Although I was genuinely thrilled for her, I was also a tad green with jealousy.
I refer to it as answer envy. It is that “poor me” mentality that creeps into my heart when God answers someone else’s prayers more quickly than mine. Or when He responds with a “yes” when my answer seems to be a “no” or at least a “not right now.” I’ve had my fair share of answer envy outbreaks over the years and at all stages of life.
As a child, I was envious of the kids who came from two-parent homes while I resided in a family torn apart by divorce. No matter how hard I folded my little hands and prayed to God, He just didn’t make my daddy come back to us.
In high school, it was other girls’ good looks, cute clothes or even cute boyfriends that I longed for. Instead, I was granted average looks and donned department store blue-light-special fashions. And, as sports editor of our school paper, although I was every guy’s pal, I was usually nobody’s gal.
In college, I envied those whose prayers for a night in shining armor, complete with sparkly diamond ring, were answered while I remained single. Once married, I struggled with miscarriage and dashed dreams of motherhood. So, for five long years, I slapped a smile on my face to mask my broken heart and attended yet another pale pink or baby blue church shower.
Over the years I have discovered that the cure for answer envy is not always easy because I must play an active role in my own healing. What I need is a shift in perspective. When I “call to God” as encouraged in today’s verse, I must trust that He will keep His word. He will tell me “great and unsearchable things” that I do not know. Sometimes those things are the answers to my request. However, do you know what those great and unsearchable things more often are? They are the reasons He seems not to be answering my original request!
So, instead of only begging God to “sell my house” or “take away my pain” or “fix my kid,” I need also to ask myself some questions. Questions like, “What is my Creator trying to teach me that I might never learn if He were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation?” Or, “What character qualities is He trying to grow in me? Patience, trust, compassion, contentment?”
Not available in quick microwave form, the cure for answer envy must be cultivated moment by moment. We must believe that God will answer. He will clearly say “yes”, “no”, or “not right now.” He is able, ready and willing to answer our prayers—here is the catch—as He sees fit and to grow us to be more like His Son in the process.
So, our “for sale” sign has remained and I continue my stay in God’s waiting room. However, I now know this to be true: I must not merely seek the answer to my prayer. Instead, I must seek a deeper relationship with the answer Giver.
Dear Lord, as I bring my requests before You, please help me be mindful of what You are doing in my heart while I walk through life and its storms. As I wait for Your answers, make me more like your Son. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Answer Envy
Karen Ehman
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
Devotion:
“How wonderful!!!” I exclaimed! “I am so happy for you!” This was my response to the breaking news that friends of ours from North Carolina had sold their house after it had been on the market for twenty days.
To them it had been a long twenty days. Houses are normally snatched up quickly in their neck of the woods. In our shaky Michigan economy, however, it takes a bit longer. In fact, on the day she announced that her home now sported a sold sign, we turned another page on our calendar marking how long our house had been for sale. Not twenty days, but twenty months to be exact. Although I was genuinely thrilled for her, I was also a tad green with jealousy.
I refer to it as answer envy. It is that “poor me” mentality that creeps into my heart when God answers someone else’s prayers more quickly than mine. Or when He responds with a “yes” when my answer seems to be a “no” or at least a “not right now.” I’ve had my fair share of answer envy outbreaks over the years and at all stages of life.
As a child, I was envious of the kids who came from two-parent homes while I resided in a family torn apart by divorce. No matter how hard I folded my little hands and prayed to God, He just didn’t make my daddy come back to us.
In high school, it was other girls’ good looks, cute clothes or even cute boyfriends that I longed for. Instead, I was granted average looks and donned department store blue-light-special fashions. And, as sports editor of our school paper, although I was every guy’s pal, I was usually nobody’s gal.
In college, I envied those whose prayers for a night in shining armor, complete with sparkly diamond ring, were answered while I remained single. Once married, I struggled with miscarriage and dashed dreams of motherhood. So, for five long years, I slapped a smile on my face to mask my broken heart and attended yet another pale pink or baby blue church shower.
Over the years I have discovered that the cure for answer envy is not always easy because I must play an active role in my own healing. What I need is a shift in perspective. When I “call to God” as encouraged in today’s verse, I must trust that He will keep His word. He will tell me “great and unsearchable things” that I do not know. Sometimes those things are the answers to my request. However, do you know what those great and unsearchable things more often are? They are the reasons He seems not to be answering my original request!
So, instead of only begging God to “sell my house” or “take away my pain” or “fix my kid,” I need also to ask myself some questions. Questions like, “What is my Creator trying to teach me that I might never learn if He were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation?” Or, “What character qualities is He trying to grow in me? Patience, trust, compassion, contentment?”
Not available in quick microwave form, the cure for answer envy must be cultivated moment by moment. We must believe that God will answer. He will clearly say “yes”, “no”, or “not right now.” He is able, ready and willing to answer our prayers—here is the catch—as He sees fit and to grow us to be more like His Son in the process.
So, our “for sale” sign has remained and I continue my stay in God’s waiting room. However, I now know this to be true: I must not merely seek the answer to my prayer. Instead, I must seek a deeper relationship with the answer Giver.
Dear Lord, as I bring my requests before You, please help me be mindful of what You are doing in my heart while I walk through life and its storms. As I wait for Your answers, make me more like your Son. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Deja Vu
I just realized that all my posts start out all yucky and end on a positive note. Isn't that lovely?
Feeling Old and Yucky
I wish the thoughts in my head would make their way into written form without having to type them. Does that make me lazy? Yeah, pretty much, but I don’t care. It’s true. I’m lazy. And feeling old these days… summer does that to me. I’m ready for fall… other than the fact that Zack will be going back to school… I’m just never happy, huh?
Seriously though, I don’t know where the time goes. It’s unbelievable that half the summer is gone. I feel like a caged animal most of the time because I have to do things I don’t want to, and can’t do the things I do want to. I remember going on summer vacations as a kid and I want the same memories for my own kids. But I guess my parents either had more money (not so) or were just better stewards than I am (more likely) because summer vacations aren’t in the cards for us and it’s depressing.
This summer has been nuts anyway… my sister’s wedding and showers took us to my mom’s twice and we spent several days with AJ’s family for the 4th of July. All were pleasant trips, but not “real” vacations. But since we spent so much on gas for those trips, we can’t really afford to go anywhere else.
Yes, I know I’m being a whiny baby. And yes, I’m sure there are plenty of things to do around here that don’t cost much. And sure, we could go to the park and have a picnic and feed the ducks. But come on… how much fun is that? Frankly I get really irritated when I hear, “well as long as you’re together as a family, why does it matter what you do?” Barf. Maybe I’m a spoiled brat, but it does matter… to me… a lot.
Next subject. Maybe one reason I’m in such a nasty mood is because I feel like crap. I really feel old. My body doesn’t like me anymore and doesn’t do what I tell it to. I know I’m out of shape and overweight, which is nothing new, but the last year has taken a toll on me more than ever and I’m feeling it everywhere. I watch my kids run and play and think, “wow, it must be really wonderful to have such a stick in the mud for a mom.”
I really need to work on all of that.
Most things and people I deal with on a regular basis irritate the hell out of me right now. I’m fed up with everyone else’s crap. Maybe that’s another reason I’m so grumpy. I’ve had more than one person tell me recently that I let people manipulate my emotions. I have this heart for helping people or encouraging them… but it’s never reciprocated and after a while, I guess resentment sets in. I don’t like to step on toes and try not to offend anyone, but I guess I’m learning that’s not really the best way to be. It puts me in a lukewarm category to some extent and we know that’s not good.
Through relationships with others over the years I’ve gotten really good at riding the fence and not taking sides… basically to avoid conflict and confrontations. On one hand that makes me incredibly popular (as the “peacemaker”), but for me, deep down inside, it just makes me empty. Years of squashing my true opinions and smoothing things over for everyone else is just taking its toll I guess. And the more I delve into those feelings, the more I realize that what I’ve always held as my strengths, are just as equally my weaknesses. Does that make sense?
So I’m feeling old and yucky and just had to vent. I know it sounds like my life sucks. It doesn’t. My life is rich beyond compare… and I’m very thankful for that. I love my husband and kids and know that I am truly blessed. And I have a great extended family and good friends. And above all, my God is awesome. Why can’t I remember that every second of every day??? Thank you Jesus for allowing me to remember it now.
Seriously though, I don’t know where the time goes. It’s unbelievable that half the summer is gone. I feel like a caged animal most of the time because I have to do things I don’t want to, and can’t do the things I do want to. I remember going on summer vacations as a kid and I want the same memories for my own kids. But I guess my parents either had more money (not so) or were just better stewards than I am (more likely) because summer vacations aren’t in the cards for us and it’s depressing.
This summer has been nuts anyway… my sister’s wedding and showers took us to my mom’s twice and we spent several days with AJ’s family for the 4th of July. All were pleasant trips, but not “real” vacations. But since we spent so much on gas for those trips, we can’t really afford to go anywhere else.
Yes, I know I’m being a whiny baby. And yes, I’m sure there are plenty of things to do around here that don’t cost much. And sure, we could go to the park and have a picnic and feed the ducks. But come on… how much fun is that? Frankly I get really irritated when I hear, “well as long as you’re together as a family, why does it matter what you do?” Barf. Maybe I’m a spoiled brat, but it does matter… to me… a lot.
Next subject. Maybe one reason I’m in such a nasty mood is because I feel like crap. I really feel old. My body doesn’t like me anymore and doesn’t do what I tell it to. I know I’m out of shape and overweight, which is nothing new, but the last year has taken a toll on me more than ever and I’m feeling it everywhere. I watch my kids run and play and think, “wow, it must be really wonderful to have such a stick in the mud for a mom.”
I really need to work on all of that.
Most things and people I deal with on a regular basis irritate the hell out of me right now. I’m fed up with everyone else’s crap. Maybe that’s another reason I’m so grumpy. I’ve had more than one person tell me recently that I let people manipulate my emotions. I have this heart for helping people or encouraging them… but it’s never reciprocated and after a while, I guess resentment sets in. I don’t like to step on toes and try not to offend anyone, but I guess I’m learning that’s not really the best way to be. It puts me in a lukewarm category to some extent and we know that’s not good.
Through relationships with others over the years I’ve gotten really good at riding the fence and not taking sides… basically to avoid conflict and confrontations. On one hand that makes me incredibly popular (as the “peacemaker”), but for me, deep down inside, it just makes me empty. Years of squashing my true opinions and smoothing things over for everyone else is just taking its toll I guess. And the more I delve into those feelings, the more I realize that what I’ve always held as my strengths, are just as equally my weaknesses. Does that make sense?
So I’m feeling old and yucky and just had to vent. I know it sounds like my life sucks. It doesn’t. My life is rich beyond compare… and I’m very thankful for that. I love my husband and kids and know that I am truly blessed. And I have a great extended family and good friends. And above all, my God is awesome. Why can’t I remember that every second of every day??? Thank you Jesus for allowing me to remember it now.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Thoughts For the Day
My head is full of stuff I need to clear out... so here goes:
1. Money Sucks. Whether you have lots of it, or none at all, it will drive you insane. No matter how much we have, it's never enough. Sometimes it's just easier not to have any. That makes it easier to decide what we really need and what we don't.
2. Cars are expensive. For folks like me who fall into the category of never having enough money, finding myself needing a new vehicle is not a fun experience. Having cars that are paid for is wonderful until you realize in order to make an upgrade, you will have to start paying on one once again.
3. Cars with crappy air conditioning suck. Texas is not the place to live without A/C. Period.
4. Gas prices are ridiculous. This makes shopping for a new vehicle even more painful. Just when we think we've evaluated our needs and narrowed down our search, gas goes up another five cents a gallon and changes the dynamics of the decision making process.
5. Independence is not bliss. Having the freedom to do what we want and make our own decisions is directly affected by our dependence on others. We depend on the government, our leaders, our religious beliefs, our friends... which makes us more dependant than not. Depending on others is stressful and requires faith and patience. Neither of which the American people are blessed with in abundance these days. Including myself. I'm tired of waiting on players A, B, and C, to do their parts so I can do mine. Impatience sucks.
6. There's 'never enough time.' For anything... and it's everyone's excuse for something. Not enough time to 'get the job done,' not enough time to spend with our families, not enough time to devote to our friends, not enough time to read to our kids, work in the yard, take down that wallpaper, make those improvements, exercise, eat right, volunteer, go to church, read our Bibles, pray... And we wonder why the world is going to hell. For goodness sake people: MAKE TIME!
7. Not everything is bad. There is still good out there if you look hard enough. Under the guise of false advertising and materialism/commercialism, there are good people with good hearts. Some of them live in my house.
8. My husband is wonderful. Not perfect... but wonderful. He's there when we need him. He works hard and provides for us through the grace of God. He's home every night, even though he may be asleep in the chair in front of the TV... he's still home. He loves God, me and our kids, and he treats us with love and respect.
9. My son is precious. He is smart and witty and sensitive with a HUGE heart. He's very observant and inquisitive and never ceases to amaze me. Someday he will be a very great man but he'll always be my little boy.
10. My daughter is amazing. She is beautiful and strong, determined and full of spunk. She's a quick learner and not afraid of much. She's a great helper and such a sweet companion. We're great friends, and I'm thankful for my time with her.
11. God is awesome. Above all, God loves me. He loves me more than I will ever know. He's told me over and over in His word, and all I have to do is believe it and love Him back. How easy is that? To know the greatest being in the history of everything just wants a relationship with me... and all I have to do is accept that invitation. Wow. That is awesome.
Enough said at this point in the day... I should have written those last four at the beginning and I wouldn't have felt the need to write the rest. :)
1. Money Sucks. Whether you have lots of it, or none at all, it will drive you insane. No matter how much we have, it's never enough. Sometimes it's just easier not to have any. That makes it easier to decide what we really need and what we don't.
2. Cars are expensive. For folks like me who fall into the category of never having enough money, finding myself needing a new vehicle is not a fun experience. Having cars that are paid for is wonderful until you realize in order to make an upgrade, you will have to start paying on one once again.
3. Cars with crappy air conditioning suck. Texas is not the place to live without A/C. Period.
4. Gas prices are ridiculous. This makes shopping for a new vehicle even more painful. Just when we think we've evaluated our needs and narrowed down our search, gas goes up another five cents a gallon and changes the dynamics of the decision making process.
5. Independence is not bliss. Having the freedom to do what we want and make our own decisions is directly affected by our dependence on others. We depend on the government, our leaders, our religious beliefs, our friends... which makes us more dependant than not. Depending on others is stressful and requires faith and patience. Neither of which the American people are blessed with in abundance these days. Including myself. I'm tired of waiting on players A, B, and C, to do their parts so I can do mine. Impatience sucks.
6. There's 'never enough time.' For anything... and it's everyone's excuse for something. Not enough time to 'get the job done,' not enough time to spend with our families, not enough time to devote to our friends, not enough time to read to our kids, work in the yard, take down that wallpaper, make those improvements, exercise, eat right, volunteer, go to church, read our Bibles, pray... And we wonder why the world is going to hell. For goodness sake people: MAKE TIME!
7. Not everything is bad. There is still good out there if you look hard enough. Under the guise of false advertising and materialism/commercialism, there are good people with good hearts. Some of them live in my house.
8. My husband is wonderful. Not perfect... but wonderful. He's there when we need him. He works hard and provides for us through the grace of God. He's home every night, even though he may be asleep in the chair in front of the TV... he's still home. He loves God, me and our kids, and he treats us with love and respect.
9. My son is precious. He is smart and witty and sensitive with a HUGE heart. He's very observant and inquisitive and never ceases to amaze me. Someday he will be a very great man but he'll always be my little boy.
10. My daughter is amazing. She is beautiful and strong, determined and full of spunk. She's a quick learner and not afraid of much. She's a great helper and such a sweet companion. We're great friends, and I'm thankful for my time with her.
11. God is awesome. Above all, God loves me. He loves me more than I will ever know. He's told me over and over in His word, and all I have to do is believe it and love Him back. How easy is that? To know the greatest being in the history of everything just wants a relationship with me... and all I have to do is accept that invitation. Wow. That is awesome.
Enough said at this point in the day... I should have written those last four at the beginning and I wouldn't have felt the need to write the rest. :)
Friday, February 29, 2008
John Lennon Quote
Just noting a quote from John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy" so I don't forget it.
"Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans."
Such a simple statement, yet so profound.
"Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans."
Such a simple statement, yet so profound.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
TV Funk
I don't know about anyone else, but I am stuck in a major TV funk. I haven't watched anything good on TV in so long, I don't even know why we have cable.
The writers' strike has really put a damper on my TV watching... I'm so bummed that 24 isn't on yet, it's not even funny. Every year when the season finale countdown ticks away, I start my own countdown to the new season in January. What a shame that everyone can't just "get along" so I can feed my need for action and adventure! :)
However, I can't say the the writers' strike had anything to do with me not watching two of my normal faves this fall. I got through about three or four episodes of Survivor before I got lost in a sea of VCR tapes and other activities that had me miss the rest of the season. I don't even know who the "Sole Survivor" was, and for anyone who knows me, that is major!
Same thing goes for Amazing Race... one of my all time favorites, I have watched with excitement every season as teams hopscotch across the world to places I've never been nor will ever go. These tiny glimpses into the rest of the world are all I need to see of it I guess, but this year, I haven't even done that. The fact that it's on Sunday night doesn't help at all... by the time we get home from church and get supper... TV is the farthest thing from my mind.
Of course, one might argue that's a good thing. Even though I've never sat in front of the TV all the time, I've always had two or three shows I just couldn't miss. In the last six months, we upgraded to extended cable (woo hoo, big time! I know!), and I think the only channels that are ever watched are the History Channel, Discovery, TLC, (AJ's faves); the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network (the kids' faves of course)! I was so looking forward to watching all the design and building shows on HGTV and such, but I just haven't sat down and done it.
That must mean I'm either busier nowadays or channeling my resources elsewhere. If I really think about it, both probably apply. I am involved in more things than usual these days, and I tend to choose what I do a little differently than in the past. So I guess missing a little TV isn't hurting me too bad. It's just odd.
At any rate, I'll settle for catching a few episodes of the ridiculous American Idol auditions and wait patiently for my beloved 24 to return. But when it does, the gloves come off for some hardcore TV watchin'! :)
The writers' strike has really put a damper on my TV watching... I'm so bummed that 24 isn't on yet, it's not even funny. Every year when the season finale countdown ticks away, I start my own countdown to the new season in January. What a shame that everyone can't just "get along" so I can feed my need for action and adventure! :)
However, I can't say the the writers' strike had anything to do with me not watching two of my normal faves this fall. I got through about three or four episodes of Survivor before I got lost in a sea of VCR tapes and other activities that had me miss the rest of the season. I don't even know who the "Sole Survivor" was, and for anyone who knows me, that is major!
Same thing goes for Amazing Race... one of my all time favorites, I have watched with excitement every season as teams hopscotch across the world to places I've never been nor will ever go. These tiny glimpses into the rest of the world are all I need to see of it I guess, but this year, I haven't even done that. The fact that it's on Sunday night doesn't help at all... by the time we get home from church and get supper... TV is the farthest thing from my mind.
Of course, one might argue that's a good thing. Even though I've never sat in front of the TV all the time, I've always had two or three shows I just couldn't miss. In the last six months, we upgraded to extended cable (woo hoo, big time! I know!), and I think the only channels that are ever watched are the History Channel, Discovery, TLC, (AJ's faves); the Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network (the kids' faves of course)! I was so looking forward to watching all the design and building shows on HGTV and such, but I just haven't sat down and done it.
That must mean I'm either busier nowadays or channeling my resources elsewhere. If I really think about it, both probably apply. I am involved in more things than usual these days, and I tend to choose what I do a little differently than in the past. So I guess missing a little TV isn't hurting me too bad. It's just odd.
At any rate, I'll settle for catching a few episodes of the ridiculous American Idol auditions and wait patiently for my beloved 24 to return. But when it does, the gloves come off for some hardcore TV watchin'! :)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Sleeeeeepy...
Why is it that I don't get inspired to write until I'm overly tired and should be in bed? I know it has a lot to do with everyone else in my household being in bed too... and the fact that it's nice and quiet and dark...
I like the dark. Some people like lots of bright and shiny light coming in every square inch of their home. I admit everyone needs some light now and then, but I'm more of a dark and dusky, cloudy day type girl myself. There's a coziness about it that just appeals to me.
Okay, well I don't know where all that came from, but anyway...
I am sleepy, but I'm excited because I helped put up our new banners at church tonight. They were given to us by another church in town, and they are just beautiful! Our pastor is a bit worried that some of our older members might have a bit of a conniption come Sunday morning, but I think it will be fine.
They are high quality and very well made... they hang on either side of the baptistry on the front choir wall and really dress up the room. One reads "KING OF KINGS" and the other reads "LORD OF LORDS."
In addition to the banners, we also added some wall crosses to take up some of the vast empty space on the back wall of the sanctuary. It's nothing gaudy or distasteful... it just looks more like a place of worship than a plain jane old building.
Personally, I'm really excited to see what people say. I, as well as anyone, know change isn't always appreciated by everyone. But I think this is a positive change. We'll see.
I have a lot more topics brewing that I will be writing about soon. But for now I think I will just go to bed. So until next time...
I like the dark. Some people like lots of bright and shiny light coming in every square inch of their home. I admit everyone needs some light now and then, but I'm more of a dark and dusky, cloudy day type girl myself. There's a coziness about it that just appeals to me.
Okay, well I don't know where all that came from, but anyway...
I am sleepy, but I'm excited because I helped put up our new banners at church tonight. They were given to us by another church in town, and they are just beautiful! Our pastor is a bit worried that some of our older members might have a bit of a conniption come Sunday morning, but I think it will be fine.
They are high quality and very well made... they hang on either side of the baptistry on the front choir wall and really dress up the room. One reads "KING OF KINGS" and the other reads "LORD OF LORDS."
In addition to the banners, we also added some wall crosses to take up some of the vast empty space on the back wall of the sanctuary. It's nothing gaudy or distasteful... it just looks more like a place of worship than a plain jane old building.
Personally, I'm really excited to see what people say. I, as well as anyone, know change isn't always appreciated by everyone. But I think this is a positive change. We'll see.
I have a lot more topics brewing that I will be writing about soon. But for now I think I will just go to bed. So until next time...
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