I'm worn out. I just spent all afternoon it seemed in Walmart. Actually it was only about an hour and a half, but it might as well have been all afternoon.
I spent a small fortune on groceries and necessities. Nothing fun. But at least maybe we will have food and toilet paper for a couple more weeks! :)
I've been toying with the idea of starting my own business (well, sort of) for several months now. No, I'm not getting my real estate license... yet. That will come next year.
Soon I will be a Signature Homestyles Representative. I hope I can pull it off. I'm pretty sure I can, but it's been a while since I've "worked" and I don't know how easily I'll get back in the saddle.
It's not a 9 to 5 job or anything that requires me fill quotas, or to sit in an office or punch a time clock, so it ought to agree with me pretty well. I just hope I can stay focused on my goals and find enough people to promote the products to.
The products pretty much sell themselves, though. I just need to hone my sales skills and get over my fear of speaking in front of people.
Yes, loudmouth goofball that I am, have a fear of being in front of a group. LOL
Anyway, check out the website and look at the goodies... I think it will be a fun adventure. I'm not looking to make a million or anything. I'd just like to make enough to give us some breathing room, or buy school clothes, or maybe pay for an occasional family night at the movies.
http://www.signaturehomestyles.com/
Not that anyone other than T and Mom read this, but if anyone would like more info, let me know. :)
Where the rubber meets the road, the daily hits the grind, and the you-know-what sometimes hits the fan... and we still manage to live and learn together as a FAMILY!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Empty Me
I'm a bloggin' fool. Too much in my head is spilling out into multiple blogs. Obviously I have a WHOLE LOT going on right now. But that's okay...
I heard this song on the radio and fell in love. It's so perfect for how I feel right now. And I loved Chris Sligh on American Idol. I'm glad he's singing Christian music. Good for him.
Empty Me
I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so I surrender all.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.
Well said. :)
I heard this song on the radio and fell in love. It's so perfect for how I feel right now. And I loved Chris Sligh on American Idol. I'm glad he's singing Christian music. Good for him.
Empty Me
I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so I surrender all.
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.
Well said. :)
Bunco
My friend, Janet, talked me into playing bunco tonight.
I have been dodging bunco for years, but decided to quit being stubborn and go with her.
I'm so glad I did. It was lots of fun and I even won a prize.
Look out world, I'm hooked! :)
I have been dodging bunco for years, but decided to quit being stubborn and go with her.
I'm so glad I did. It was lots of fun and I even won a prize.
Look out world, I'm hooked! :)
Monday, July 14, 2008
Her Children Arise and Call Her Blessed
Proverbs 31 is an amazing exerpt from the Bible... amazing and daunting when you realize the implications of what a Godly woman should be. This morning while I was heating pop tarts in the toaster for my son, a tiny piece of scripture popped into my head and made me take a hard look at myself.
"Her children arise and call her blessed..." from Proverbs 31:28.
Do my children arise and call me blessed? I know my children love me. And they know I love them. I probably tell them at least a dozen or more times a day. But do they really know that? Do they understand what that means? Will there ever be a time when they question that? Do they question that now?
All these questions fired through my head in a nanosecond before the toaster popped up. In that tiny moment I realized God was speaking to me. He was saying, "April, why do you spend so much time worrying about everyone else and their problems and not focusing on the tasks I've given you?"
God gave me two precious children to look after and teach to be Godly adults. They are on loan to me for such a short time, and that is a sobering thought. People tell AJ and myself that we have done well with our kids. I think by God's grace we do better than some, but still not as well as we could. But that realization this morning makes me want to step it up a notch and raise the bar even more.
Does that mean I am going to automatically take them to the park every day or the library? Or go walking by the river or play games every time they ask? Or take them to McDonald's more often even though I hate it? Or read to them as much as I should? Probably not. I can try to do all those things and more, and I want to do that. But realisitically, I will still let them down and disappoint them no matter how hard I try not to.
But I do need to invest more time praying for their salvation and instilling the belief system and values that God wants them to have. They are His precious creation and I need to remember that and cherish every moment He gives me with them. They are only on loan to me and the pop tart years are passing too quickly.
I want them to "arise and call me blessed" throughout their lives... not for my benefit, and not because of what I've done for them or given them, but because of what God has done in them through me.
Thank you, Lord, for your precious gifts to me... Zack and Zoe. Help me be a better steward of your blessings and resources in their lives everyday so that they may grow up to love you beyond measure. Help me be an example of your love and righteousness. Thank you for your gentle reminders not to sit idle, even when it's comfortable.
"Her children arise and call her blessed..." from Proverbs 31:28.
Do my children arise and call me blessed? I know my children love me. And they know I love them. I probably tell them at least a dozen or more times a day. But do they really know that? Do they understand what that means? Will there ever be a time when they question that? Do they question that now?
All these questions fired through my head in a nanosecond before the toaster popped up. In that tiny moment I realized God was speaking to me. He was saying, "April, why do you spend so much time worrying about everyone else and their problems and not focusing on the tasks I've given you?"
God gave me two precious children to look after and teach to be Godly adults. They are on loan to me for such a short time, and that is a sobering thought. People tell AJ and myself that we have done well with our kids. I think by God's grace we do better than some, but still not as well as we could. But that realization this morning makes me want to step it up a notch and raise the bar even more.
Does that mean I am going to automatically take them to the park every day or the library? Or go walking by the river or play games every time they ask? Or take them to McDonald's more often even though I hate it? Or read to them as much as I should? Probably not. I can try to do all those things and more, and I want to do that. But realisitically, I will still let them down and disappoint them no matter how hard I try not to.
But I do need to invest more time praying for their salvation and instilling the belief system and values that God wants them to have. They are His precious creation and I need to remember that and cherish every moment He gives me with them. They are only on loan to me and the pop tart years are passing too quickly.
I want them to "arise and call me blessed" throughout their lives... not for my benefit, and not because of what I've done for them or given them, but because of what God has done in them through me.
Thank you, Lord, for your precious gifts to me... Zack and Zoe. Help me be a better steward of your blessings and resources in their lives everyday so that they may grow up to love you beyond measure. Help me be an example of your love and righteousness. Thank you for your gentle reminders not to sit idle, even when it's comfortable.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Answer Envy
I subscribe to a daily devotional from the Proverbs 31 Website. It's a great place for women to check out... here's today's devotional. I felt compelled to post it because it holds true for me as I'm sure it does for many out there...
Answer Envy
Karen Ehman
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
Devotion:
“How wonderful!!!” I exclaimed! “I am so happy for you!” This was my response to the breaking news that friends of ours from North Carolina had sold their house after it had been on the market for twenty days.
To them it had been a long twenty days. Houses are normally snatched up quickly in their neck of the woods. In our shaky Michigan economy, however, it takes a bit longer. In fact, on the day she announced that her home now sported a sold sign, we turned another page on our calendar marking how long our house had been for sale. Not twenty days, but twenty months to be exact. Although I was genuinely thrilled for her, I was also a tad green with jealousy.
I refer to it as answer envy. It is that “poor me” mentality that creeps into my heart when God answers someone else’s prayers more quickly than mine. Or when He responds with a “yes” when my answer seems to be a “no” or at least a “not right now.” I’ve had my fair share of answer envy outbreaks over the years and at all stages of life.
As a child, I was envious of the kids who came from two-parent homes while I resided in a family torn apart by divorce. No matter how hard I folded my little hands and prayed to God, He just didn’t make my daddy come back to us.
In high school, it was other girls’ good looks, cute clothes or even cute boyfriends that I longed for. Instead, I was granted average looks and donned department store blue-light-special fashions. And, as sports editor of our school paper, although I was every guy’s pal, I was usually nobody’s gal.
In college, I envied those whose prayers for a night in shining armor, complete with sparkly diamond ring, were answered while I remained single. Once married, I struggled with miscarriage and dashed dreams of motherhood. So, for five long years, I slapped a smile on my face to mask my broken heart and attended yet another pale pink or baby blue church shower.
Over the years I have discovered that the cure for answer envy is not always easy because I must play an active role in my own healing. What I need is a shift in perspective. When I “call to God” as encouraged in today’s verse, I must trust that He will keep His word. He will tell me “great and unsearchable things” that I do not know. Sometimes those things are the answers to my request. However, do you know what those great and unsearchable things more often are? They are the reasons He seems not to be answering my original request!
So, instead of only begging God to “sell my house” or “take away my pain” or “fix my kid,” I need also to ask myself some questions. Questions like, “What is my Creator trying to teach me that I might never learn if He were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation?” Or, “What character qualities is He trying to grow in me? Patience, trust, compassion, contentment?”
Not available in quick microwave form, the cure for answer envy must be cultivated moment by moment. We must believe that God will answer. He will clearly say “yes”, “no”, or “not right now.” He is able, ready and willing to answer our prayers—here is the catch—as He sees fit and to grow us to be more like His Son in the process.
So, our “for sale” sign has remained and I continue my stay in God’s waiting room. However, I now know this to be true: I must not merely seek the answer to my prayer. Instead, I must seek a deeper relationship with the answer Giver.
Dear Lord, as I bring my requests before You, please help me be mindful of what You are doing in my heart while I walk through life and its storms. As I wait for Your answers, make me more like your Son. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Answer Envy
Karen Ehman
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV)
Devotion:
“How wonderful!!!” I exclaimed! “I am so happy for you!” This was my response to the breaking news that friends of ours from North Carolina had sold their house after it had been on the market for twenty days.
To them it had been a long twenty days. Houses are normally snatched up quickly in their neck of the woods. In our shaky Michigan economy, however, it takes a bit longer. In fact, on the day she announced that her home now sported a sold sign, we turned another page on our calendar marking how long our house had been for sale. Not twenty days, but twenty months to be exact. Although I was genuinely thrilled for her, I was also a tad green with jealousy.
I refer to it as answer envy. It is that “poor me” mentality that creeps into my heart when God answers someone else’s prayers more quickly than mine. Or when He responds with a “yes” when my answer seems to be a “no” or at least a “not right now.” I’ve had my fair share of answer envy outbreaks over the years and at all stages of life.
As a child, I was envious of the kids who came from two-parent homes while I resided in a family torn apart by divorce. No matter how hard I folded my little hands and prayed to God, He just didn’t make my daddy come back to us.
In high school, it was other girls’ good looks, cute clothes or even cute boyfriends that I longed for. Instead, I was granted average looks and donned department store blue-light-special fashions. And, as sports editor of our school paper, although I was every guy’s pal, I was usually nobody’s gal.
In college, I envied those whose prayers for a night in shining armor, complete with sparkly diamond ring, were answered while I remained single. Once married, I struggled with miscarriage and dashed dreams of motherhood. So, for five long years, I slapped a smile on my face to mask my broken heart and attended yet another pale pink or baby blue church shower.
Over the years I have discovered that the cure for answer envy is not always easy because I must play an active role in my own healing. What I need is a shift in perspective. When I “call to God” as encouraged in today’s verse, I must trust that He will keep His word. He will tell me “great and unsearchable things” that I do not know. Sometimes those things are the answers to my request. However, do you know what those great and unsearchable things more often are? They are the reasons He seems not to be answering my original request!
So, instead of only begging God to “sell my house” or “take away my pain” or “fix my kid,” I need also to ask myself some questions. Questions like, “What is my Creator trying to teach me that I might never learn if He were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation?” Or, “What character qualities is He trying to grow in me? Patience, trust, compassion, contentment?”
Not available in quick microwave form, the cure for answer envy must be cultivated moment by moment. We must believe that God will answer. He will clearly say “yes”, “no”, or “not right now.” He is able, ready and willing to answer our prayers—here is the catch—as He sees fit and to grow us to be more like His Son in the process.
So, our “for sale” sign has remained and I continue my stay in God’s waiting room. However, I now know this to be true: I must not merely seek the answer to my prayer. Instead, I must seek a deeper relationship with the answer Giver.
Dear Lord, as I bring my requests before You, please help me be mindful of what You are doing in my heart while I walk through life and its storms. As I wait for Your answers, make me more like your Son. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Deja Vu
I just realized that all my posts start out all yucky and end on a positive note. Isn't that lovely?
Feeling Old and Yucky
I wish the thoughts in my head would make their way into written form without having to type them. Does that make me lazy? Yeah, pretty much, but I don’t care. It’s true. I’m lazy. And feeling old these days… summer does that to me. I’m ready for fall… other than the fact that Zack will be going back to school… I’m just never happy, huh?
Seriously though, I don’t know where the time goes. It’s unbelievable that half the summer is gone. I feel like a caged animal most of the time because I have to do things I don’t want to, and can’t do the things I do want to. I remember going on summer vacations as a kid and I want the same memories for my own kids. But I guess my parents either had more money (not so) or were just better stewards than I am (more likely) because summer vacations aren’t in the cards for us and it’s depressing.
This summer has been nuts anyway… my sister’s wedding and showers took us to my mom’s twice and we spent several days with AJ’s family for the 4th of July. All were pleasant trips, but not “real” vacations. But since we spent so much on gas for those trips, we can’t really afford to go anywhere else.
Yes, I know I’m being a whiny baby. And yes, I’m sure there are plenty of things to do around here that don’t cost much. And sure, we could go to the park and have a picnic and feed the ducks. But come on… how much fun is that? Frankly I get really irritated when I hear, “well as long as you’re together as a family, why does it matter what you do?” Barf. Maybe I’m a spoiled brat, but it does matter… to me… a lot.
Next subject. Maybe one reason I’m in such a nasty mood is because I feel like crap. I really feel old. My body doesn’t like me anymore and doesn’t do what I tell it to. I know I’m out of shape and overweight, which is nothing new, but the last year has taken a toll on me more than ever and I’m feeling it everywhere. I watch my kids run and play and think, “wow, it must be really wonderful to have such a stick in the mud for a mom.”
I really need to work on all of that.
Most things and people I deal with on a regular basis irritate the hell out of me right now. I’m fed up with everyone else’s crap. Maybe that’s another reason I’m so grumpy. I’ve had more than one person tell me recently that I let people manipulate my emotions. I have this heart for helping people or encouraging them… but it’s never reciprocated and after a while, I guess resentment sets in. I don’t like to step on toes and try not to offend anyone, but I guess I’m learning that’s not really the best way to be. It puts me in a lukewarm category to some extent and we know that’s not good.
Through relationships with others over the years I’ve gotten really good at riding the fence and not taking sides… basically to avoid conflict and confrontations. On one hand that makes me incredibly popular (as the “peacemaker”), but for me, deep down inside, it just makes me empty. Years of squashing my true opinions and smoothing things over for everyone else is just taking its toll I guess. And the more I delve into those feelings, the more I realize that what I’ve always held as my strengths, are just as equally my weaknesses. Does that make sense?
So I’m feeling old and yucky and just had to vent. I know it sounds like my life sucks. It doesn’t. My life is rich beyond compare… and I’m very thankful for that. I love my husband and kids and know that I am truly blessed. And I have a great extended family and good friends. And above all, my God is awesome. Why can’t I remember that every second of every day??? Thank you Jesus for allowing me to remember it now.
Seriously though, I don’t know where the time goes. It’s unbelievable that half the summer is gone. I feel like a caged animal most of the time because I have to do things I don’t want to, and can’t do the things I do want to. I remember going on summer vacations as a kid and I want the same memories for my own kids. But I guess my parents either had more money (not so) or were just better stewards than I am (more likely) because summer vacations aren’t in the cards for us and it’s depressing.
This summer has been nuts anyway… my sister’s wedding and showers took us to my mom’s twice and we spent several days with AJ’s family for the 4th of July. All were pleasant trips, but not “real” vacations. But since we spent so much on gas for those trips, we can’t really afford to go anywhere else.
Yes, I know I’m being a whiny baby. And yes, I’m sure there are plenty of things to do around here that don’t cost much. And sure, we could go to the park and have a picnic and feed the ducks. But come on… how much fun is that? Frankly I get really irritated when I hear, “well as long as you’re together as a family, why does it matter what you do?” Barf. Maybe I’m a spoiled brat, but it does matter… to me… a lot.
Next subject. Maybe one reason I’m in such a nasty mood is because I feel like crap. I really feel old. My body doesn’t like me anymore and doesn’t do what I tell it to. I know I’m out of shape and overweight, which is nothing new, but the last year has taken a toll on me more than ever and I’m feeling it everywhere. I watch my kids run and play and think, “wow, it must be really wonderful to have such a stick in the mud for a mom.”
I really need to work on all of that.
Most things and people I deal with on a regular basis irritate the hell out of me right now. I’m fed up with everyone else’s crap. Maybe that’s another reason I’m so grumpy. I’ve had more than one person tell me recently that I let people manipulate my emotions. I have this heart for helping people or encouraging them… but it’s never reciprocated and after a while, I guess resentment sets in. I don’t like to step on toes and try not to offend anyone, but I guess I’m learning that’s not really the best way to be. It puts me in a lukewarm category to some extent and we know that’s not good.
Through relationships with others over the years I’ve gotten really good at riding the fence and not taking sides… basically to avoid conflict and confrontations. On one hand that makes me incredibly popular (as the “peacemaker”), but for me, deep down inside, it just makes me empty. Years of squashing my true opinions and smoothing things over for everyone else is just taking its toll I guess. And the more I delve into those feelings, the more I realize that what I’ve always held as my strengths, are just as equally my weaknesses. Does that make sense?
So I’m feeling old and yucky and just had to vent. I know it sounds like my life sucks. It doesn’t. My life is rich beyond compare… and I’m very thankful for that. I love my husband and kids and know that I am truly blessed. And I have a great extended family and good friends. And above all, my God is awesome. Why can’t I remember that every second of every day??? Thank you Jesus for allowing me to remember it now.
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